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Double-tap, double-tap, double-tap. Wait, should I have liked that picture? What will my significant other think?

How big of a role does social media play in your relationships? More specifically, how does it affect your romantic relationships? Stop reading, and look around. What do you see around you? If others are around, someone is most likely on their phone. Pew Research Center reports that Millennials are known for having a strong attachment to their devices and different social media platforms, a habit that could have a detrimental effect on their relationships.

According to the Pew Research Center 2018 study, 78 percent of 18 to 24 year-olds in America use Snapchat, 71 percent now use Instagram, and 45 percent are Twitter users. But what are they using it for, and how does it affect their long-term and committed relationships?

Abby Borg, a senior at Grand View has been dating her boyfriend for one year and seven months. Throughout their relationship Borg and her boyfriend have been long distance because he is a member of the United States Navy. The two see each other about once every three months, and now that he is deployed, they will go a seven-month stretch without being together. Borg said she sees social media as a way to communicate more than anything else.

“I can see a picture and send it to him, and we can both laugh and joke around about it,” Borg said.

The pair also talks on the phone daily, FaceTimes or communicates through texting and Facebook Messenger as much as they can throughout the day.

Julia Dollen, a junior at GV also relies on social media for communication with her boyfriend of six years. Dollen and her boyfriend have been in a long-distance relationship for the last four years. She says Snapchat has become their main form of communication.

“It’s a way we can see each other throughout the day without having to FaceTime all the time, just having a way to see a little glimpse of him,” Dollen said.

Although social media sites are often used in a positive way for communication purposes, they can also be used negatively and affect a relationship unintentionally. In addition to using social media to communicate with a loved one, many people also use social media to keep tabs on others. Psychology Today coins the term for monitoring others on social media as “social surveillance” or “interpersonal electronic surveillance.”

Monitoring your significant other on social media can bring about stress or create a sense of worry in your relationship based on how you interpret what you find. Double- tapping one’s Instagram photo can create a whole new level of drama in a Millennial relationship today. But why? Should we be insecure of our relationship just because our significant other liked someone’s photo? What about Snapchat? Can my boyfriend snapchat other girls? Should my girlfriend like her ex-boyfriend’s tweet? Millennials are often left wondering what is considered OK in their relationships and what crosses the line.

“There might be a lot of reasons why someone would look up somebody on Facebook or other social media,” said Jake Goeller, a senior at GV. “I am pretty relaxed, and she can look up and talk to whoever she wants, but it should be at a level where if I were to see it, I wouldn’t wonder what was going on.”

Although many share Goeller’s view, there might be many others who deal with jealousy and anxiety when their significant other is in contact with someone of the opposite sex. A guideline given by a New York Times article is to imagine your social media behavior is happening with your partner standing right next to you. If you wouldn’t do it in the real world, don’t do it online.

Another common reality in the world of social media is the prevalence of images being shared on social media sites such as Instagram and VSCO. What is the purpose of these posts? People post for different reasons, but how many “likes” they get seems to be a main motivation for posting. These likes could aim to create a false sense of validation within a relationship. Gillian McCallum is the chief executive of a British dating website and often speaks out about the importance of being aware of the effect social media can have on relationships.

“The volume of photographs of your relationship that you post on Facebook is not indicative of the success or warmth within that relationship,” she said. “Even in this period of heightened social media use, very solid, strong, happy couples quite often choose not to lay their relationships bare on Facebook.”

However, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to want to post a picture of your relationship.

“Sometimes you want to show them off a little,” Dollen said. “If you love them, it’s good to be proud of who you’re with.”

Although it is normal to want to keep your followers updated on your relationship because you cherish it, we should be careful about the amount of time we are spending on social media. If you are on any social media sites, the chances of it affecting your relationship in some way are great.

That said, it is important to set boundaries at the start of a new relationship. Ask your partner what is OK to post, and make sure any limits are clear, what their expectations are for talking to others and how you’ll communicate with one another. If you feel the need to investigate your partner’s social media accounts as a way to check in on them and look for something suspicious, there is a bigger conversation that needs to be had between you and your partner.

Make sure your understanding is an agreement between the two of you not one person telling the other what to do, which becomes controlling behavior. The New York Times says, “Often in relationships, one person is more private than the other, a difference that can lead to fights.”

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to go back to an old-fashioned relationship from time to time. Put your phone away during time with your significant other, or consider taking a break from social media altogether. In the end, we get to control how much power social media has on our relationships. It all comes down to trust and communication within the two people.

When asked what qualities make a good Millennial relationship with social media at play, GV students answered:

“I think that would definitely go back to being trustworthy with each other and being smart with your decisions. Don’t message someone behind your girlfriend’s back, that’s not going to work out,” Goeller said.

“I definitely think that communication is key. And understanding and trusting each other. If you see a guy or a girl looked up in their history, you have to know that you need to be mature about it and talk about it, in order to make it work,” Dollen said. “Or just don’t have any social media at all.”