Gender Swap: First Date
What happens when first-date gender stereotypes are switched? Maddie Westergard (Jr.) and Dakota Keul (Sr.) went on a gender-swap first date to find out.
Maddie’s perspective:
Dakota and I went on an experimental first date that broke the norm. There are certain unwritten rules people are taught to follow based on their gender when they go on a date. So when asked to play the reverse role, I was clueless.
I knew I would be in charge of driving, holding the door and of course paying, but I was unsure of all the behind-the-scenes work a guy puts into a typical first date. Before I began planning, I did some research. I asked a few of my male friends to explain their role. I also asked some of my female friends to explain what they expect from their boyfriends on a typical date.
I left plenty early to pick up Dakota only to realize he was running late. This was extremely unusual for me because I am always the one behind schedule.
Maddie Westergard pulls out Dakota Keul’s chair on their gender-swap date. // VF File Photo by Ashley McKean
The most difficult changes for me throughout the date were remembering to open the doors and let Dakota, “the girl,” do everything first. As the sidewalk became narrower I remembered to stop and let him walk in front of me. It was also my responsibility to hold the door to the restaurant, pull out his chair and let him order before me. All of these actions were new to me in the dating world.
At the restaurant, I couldn’t help but feel people were judging us. My theory was proven true when our waiter walked up to our table as Dakota was sitting down in the chair I pulled out for him and said, “Isn’t this backwards?”
It was hard for me to change the ways I had always been taught, but it was also shocking to me how many little details I needed to change. Details that as a girl I let go unnoticed. I now realize how much I take for granted while on dates because the amount of planning and preparation men put into a date is overlooked.
Dakota’s perspective:
On any normal date, a guy and a girl are bound to have differing experiences, whether it be getting ready, planning the date or the common etiquette on the date itself.
As a guy, I have always been taught a few very important things to do on a date. For example, I’m supposed to hold the door open for a lady as a sign of respect, and I need to pull out her chair to be polite. Needless to say, I was lost when I found myself playing the female on a date rather than my usual role.
Firstly, my experience of getting ready as a girl was just plain silly. I was told by several female friends of mine that I needed to lay out all my clothes on the bed and try on several outfits. After wasting my time doing so, I chose the outfit I had in mind from the beginning.
// VF File Photo by Ashley McKean
I was also told that I needed to spend a minimum of 15 minutes on my hair while worrying about whether my date would like it. Not only did I find that I don’t have enough to do with my hair for 15 minutes, but I also found that worrying didn’t make my hair look any better.
After I was finally done getting ready, Maddie chauffeured me to the restaurant. It was easily one of the strangest parts of the date. I was so used to being the driver on a date that sitting in the passenger seat felt awkward.
Once we got to the restaurant Maddie held the door open for me. I was not used to that, and I even reached for the door at first out of habit. It was strange walking through the door first and having a girl pull the chair out for me. I can honestly say I’m not a fan. Not only did I get strange looks from others, but it also made me feel like I was being ungentlemanly.
The redeeming factor of playing the role of a girl on this date was that I didn’t have to pay. I could probably get used to that, but everything else felt strange and unnatural to me.
It was challenging to play a different role after being taught a completely opposite set of guidelines, and it was hard to get into the mentality of what a girl would do on a date.
From now on, I will probably stick to what I know, and that is holding doors open, driving to the restaurant, buying flowers and, unfortunately, paying for the meal.
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